My name is Lance Hardcore, and it's my sad duty to pass on some bad news to you all. On January 6th 2007, your host for the past few years, and my very close friend, Zeedar Teretz, was found dead.
He was discovered by a female friend, who arrived at his house for their regularly scheduled sexual liaison, and, finding no answer at the door, forcibly entered to discover him in the bath.
The coroner listed the cause of death as drowning, and estimated that it had occurred around four days prior. The subsequent autopsy revealed a blood alcohol level of .42, and suggested that he may have slipped into an alcohol induced coma whilst taking a bath (Zeedar was a big believer in hot baths to sober up at the end of a long night, and as a curative measure in general). A funnel, a length of plastic hose, and an empty bottle of Glenfiddich 30 year old scotch were found elsewhere in the house.
Over the last year last year, Zeedar had turned increasingly to drugs (primarily opiates). His ex-girlfriend, who he maintained was the only girl he'd ever love and who would come back to him in time, had recently announced her engagement to a man with a goatee. He was working full time in an office job which he described as "hell with fluorescent lights and less interesting people," and regularly spent his friday nights binge drinking and sleeping with girls with low self esteem.
ZeedarTeretz.com was founded in early 2002 with its main column, Teretz Syndrome, starting in June of that year. Over the years it featured many different sections, many of which no longer exist within the site. Today it comprises of well over 150,000 words, and has received around 2,500,000 hits. I intend to keep paying the bills for at least the next few years so that even though Zeedar is gone, his words will live on for anyone who wants to read them.
Zeedar was a lapsed Jew, and was interred according to the Hebrew tradition. We'll miss you Zeed, and wherever you are, I'm sure there'll be dim lighting and plenty of interesting babes.
Rest in peace.
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