Teretz Syndrome

Monday, November 10, 2003. 6:49PM


Now, as I'm sure you've all noticed (being that sort of people), I've done a little bit of work on the old site this week. Quite a lot of work, actually. Now, part of this work has been creating a new section out of my old forum archives, and reformatting all these delimited text files into HTML... anyway... it took quite a while, and I had to read all the old posts again, and that got me reminiscing about the ones that didn't make it... and well... then I had this conversation... and... well... I'll print the log and let you decide for yourself.

[01:00:49 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : you there?
[01:00:49 PM] Don Quxiote auto-message: Robot here: Zeedar is probably in the kitchen, looking for food. Hold on a minute.
[01:01:21 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : is Zeedar is a no good, two-timing dirty lesbian in search of food?
[01:01:21 PM] Don Quxiote auto-message: Robot here: Zeedar is probably in the kitchen, looking for food. Hold on a minute.
[01:04:35 PM] Don Quxiote: I'm back
[01:04:51 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : how do you get the robot to post for you?
[01:04:59 PM] Don Quxiote: slept with her
[01:05:08 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : dickhead
[01:05:33 PM] Don Quxiote: that's me alright
[01:05:55 PM] Don Quxiote: it's a program called messenger plus
[01:06:06 PM] Don Quxiote: adds lots of helpfull features
[01:06:38 PM] Don Quxiote: can't seem to teach it to listen to what you say and reply based on that though
[01:06:50 PM] Don Quxiote: which is really the only reason I wanted it
[01:09:18 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : bastard. how can I get such a piece of hardware?
[01:09:53 PM] Don Quxiote: have a look around
[01:10:05 PM] Don Quxiote: it's probably on download.com
[01:10:09 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : okay. hey, is allan's avatar part of a larger picture?
[01:10:21 PM] Don Quxiote: in the forum?
[01:10:22 PM] Don Quxiote: yeah
[01:10:26 PM] Don Quxiote: well, it's cut down
[01:10:33 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : what's the full pic look like?
[01:10:48 PM] Don Quxiote: disturbing
[01:11:06 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : ...*waiting*
[01:11:10 PM] Transfer of "afsm.gif" is complete.

[01:11:17 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : and Demus deems it:
[01:11:41 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : Who drew that?!?!? afsm: Allan Fucks Sailor Moon, yep?
[01:11:50 PM] Don Quxiote: yep
[01:11:52 PM] Don Quxiote: Will
[01:11:59 PM] Don Quxiote: it was for one of the old forums
[01:12:12 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : Will is a bad man
[01:12:16 PM] Don Quxiote: we had this long discussion about fucking cartoon characters
[01:12:25 PM] Don Quxiote: and allan was all for sailor moon
[01:12:38 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : yeah? I'm sorta glad I had no access at that point....but it'd have to be Harley Quinn
[01:12:56 PM] Don Quxiote: but he said he just couldn't jack off to her because he couldn't picture her as a real girl
[01:13:07 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : thank christ for that
[01:13:26 PM] Don Quxiote: so I put the preposition that to jack off to a cartoon character, you had to be able to picture yourself as a cartoon character
[01:13:28 PM] Don Quxiote: hence
[01:13:35 PM] Don Quxiote: afsm
[01:13:50 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : will you NOT think up such things?
[01:14:04 PM] Don Quxiote: ha
[01:14:13 PM] Don Quxiote: I can't help it
[01:14:14 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : you will destroy society. in a bad way.
[01:14:37 PM] Don Quxiote: you see, I already had a cartoon self from my people's champion comic strip days
[01:14:59 PM] Don Quxiote: so I had no problem making it with Quin from Daria
[01:15:07 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : who is Quin from Daria?
[01:15:53 PM] Don Quxiote: you know the cartoon daria?
[01:15:58 PM] Don Quxiote: and her sister?
[01:16:03 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : nope.
[01:19:26 PM] Transfer of "iicy_daria_quinn.gif" is complete.
[01:19:40 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : you wanted to do quinn?
[01:19:57 PM] Don Quxiote: that's not a very good picture
[01:20:02 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : obviously.
[01:20:10 PM] Don Quxiote: this is a better one
[01:20:15 PM] Transfer of "quinn.gif" is complete.
[01:20:16 PM] Don Quxiote: but it's still not that good
[01:20:17 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : hey, can you delete the Matrix Revolutions thread? It's kinda redundant.
[01:20:26 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : you're right. it's not good.
[01:21:03 PM] Don Quxiote: well, i could delete it
[01:21:12 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : that'd be nice
[01:21:26 PM] Don Quxiote: or we could just leave it there, and when people want to discuss the film, they can do it there
[01:21:37 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : could....
[01:22:20 PM] Don Quxiote: although, I could see why you wouldn't want your mobile phone number freely avalible on the internet
[01:22:40 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : thank you.
[01:23:20 PM] Don Quxiote: DELETED!
[01:23:24 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : thanks!
[01:24:42 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : so does this quinn girl EVER look kinda hot?
[01:25:18 PM] Don Quxiote: yeah
[01:25:28 PM] Don Quxiote: she has this tight little body
[01:25:33 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : riiiiight
[01:31:01 PM] Transfer of "quinn2.gif" is complete.

[01:31:18 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : did you write that?
[01:33:43 PM] Don Quxiote: yeah
[01:33:56 PM] Don Quxiote: does it turn you on?
[01:34:04 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : no. you are a sick little man.
[01:34:26 PM] Don Quxiote: ah
[01:34:43 PM] Don Quxiote: the diference between sickness and greatness is measured only by success
[01:35:01 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : yeah, and since you haven't as yet succeeded, this makes you sick.
[01:35:49 PM] Don Quxiote: oh, I don't know
[01:36:04 PM] Don Quxiote: there are less sucsessfull people than me
[01:36:08 PM] Don Quxiote: and besides
[01:36:22 PM] Don Quxiote: there's still pleanty of time left to succeed
[01:36:22 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : yes, but I'm not sure if they sit their wondering about the anatomical qualities of a cartoon GIRL.
[01:36:36 PM] Don Quxiote: hey
[01:36:44 PM] Don Quxiote: you brought it up
[01:36:54 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : what? she's definitely a girl. no woman about her.
[01:37:02 PM] Don Quxiote: you wanted to see allan fuck sailor moon
[01:37:03 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : in fact, it's bordering on pseudo-paedophilia
[01:37:23 PM] DARK-WING DEMUS : No, I wanted to know about the rest of the picture, you could have described it and let decide...
[01:37:50 PM] Don Quxiote: i did say it was disturbing

And the we went on to talk about movies. Anyway, you can see that all this was getting me in the mood for some cartoon porn, so I loaded up my old friend, KaZaA Media Desktop, and typed in "Quinn Daria Porn." Nothing found. Well, I tried various combinations of that, never finding anything (well... I found a couple of stills from the show when I just typed in "Quinn"... that and this gay looking eighties popstar... I dunno... Quinn, I guess), until I just hit "Cartoon Porn." Well, this supplied me with some pretty messed up shit... and I mean messed up... it seems nothing is sacred when it comes to the Simpsons and Jessica Rabbit. While this distracted me for a while, eventually I came back to my objective and realized"wait! I still aint got no naked Quinn!"

So, I decided to fake one.

You see, I've always kind of respected those guys who make the Internet fakes... y'know... those guys who draw the nipples and edit out the tops of celebrity press shot - sign their name in the lace of the garter belt... those guys have balls. They see something they want and can have, so what do they do? They fake it. Some of them fake it pretty well, to. I mean, it must be pretty weird for Natalie Portman or Kate Winslett to vanity search and come up with a whole heap of fake porn (although, and can't think why anyone would fake Kate Winslett porn and she can't keep her damn clothes on for more than an hour). Now, these are probably different blokes to the blokes who decide that they can draw pretty good Simpsons characters and so whip up a Bart getting with his mother, but nonetheless anyway... what I'm going to do next may frighten you... it may sicken and disturb you... but I don't care, I've already half finished... I AM GOING TO MAKE FAKE QUINN FROM DARIA PORN AND POST IT ON THE INTERNET!

Now, this is the picture I'm going to start with. I've chose it because you can see all angles of Quinn, so it's going to be fairly difficult. And, they're be no cheating here. I'm going to have to learn how to draw ass, and muff, and nipple and everything. And all those clothes on the floor make it look kind of like she's just got naked. Now, I know this is a fairly hard picture. There are quite a few where she's wearing a lot less, or in better poses, but hell, I like a challenge, so let's give this thing a go.

Okay, this is step one. What I've done here is basically get the Adobe wand tool and colour in all her cloths he skin colour. Now, I've actually edited her body shape quite a bit... you'll notice that in the original her shirt extends out from her body, well, I've had to thin that down a bit. I haven't done the legs... she still have flared legs and shoes, but the basic shape of a naked girl is there. I don't know what I'm going to do about the reflection lines on the mirror... it looks kind of like she has massive cesarean scars or something. And there's a few other places like in the front mirror, where you can see a pocket or something. The next part will be the hardest, as I'll have to actually draw stuff freehand, not just thinning down existing lines but actually adding nipples and muff and things. I don't know too much about real nipples or muff, let alone cartoon ones. Hmm. I'll also have to make important artistic decisions, like, is Quinn a natural red head? Ha, this is going to be a laugh.

Some time later...

Ahh, hell, I give up. I've been drawing this coot pixel by pixel for two days now, and I got nothing. Some how I messed up the colour format somewhere along the line, and couldn't draw small anymore. Man, I see why those porn fakers are respected - this is hard motherfucking work... imagine doing this on a photo. Well Christ, anyway, here it is, my Quinn Morgendorfer porn.

See how it's all pixelated? Yeah, well, it wasn't always like that. And I've blurred this a few times to get it to what it is. In the end I went for no muff, as... well...frankly it just looked strange with it in. I think my photo shop skills have met their match. Still, I'm just glad there's some hack ass Quinn porn out there for the next curious soul who comes looking.

Yeah, that's it. It's almost 1:00AM and I've nothing left to say. Goodnight Seattle, we love you.

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