Teretz Syndrome

Thursday, July 11. 7:40PM

Been a while since I did this. A week in fact. Really coming down from my old "every two days" pattern. I guess it's because I've been on holidays, and so frolicking in the woods takes precedence over updating a crappy site, that I've only every told four people about (because I'm too ashamed at the lack of content to even do a general mail out to my acquaintances). In fact, I only really started doing the log so that when I did the site properly and people did start coming, I could have an archive for them to delve into. Oh well, maybe I'll do it tomorrow.

Seen a lot of movies the last few days at Jonathan's, but none in the cinema, which is odd, because it's a fairly good movie period right now. In fact, today I even screwed around a good friend who I was going to see one with so as not to see it. For that, Marcus, I apologize. I had a reason of sorts, which may become apparent if I continue on on this thread much longer. Anyway, the films:

Hard Boiled - John Woo, Chow Yun Fat. Been told for a long time that this was the best film ever made, and it was pretty fucking cool. Wasn't really reading the subtitles as much as I should have been, but the action was first class. Better then any ignorant western bullshit. Filled me with an intense desire to destroy something - so much so that I went outside and set fire to a pillow.

Fist of Fury - Bruce Lee. Jonathan was full of how this is the ultimate movie ever, and I give it credit that it was pretty cool. I could see what he was talking about too, with all of Bruce Lee, and that sword, and all those dead people. Demonstrated to me fairly defiantly that Bruce Lee was second coming of Jesus and we killed him too. How can one man be so fast? The problem was that although Bruce Lee (I do not feel I am worthy of calling him "Bruce", and "Mr. Lee" would just be confusing) was so fast, it seemed kind of like a game of tag. That he was just tapping them on the shoulder and they were lying down. They should have got a bunch of real Kung Fu guys, not had a script, not bothered to choreograph it, and just said "All of you kill each other" and watched Bruce Lee win.

Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back - Kevin Smith, and every actor who's ever been in anything ever. I'd seen this in the cinemas, and it was still fucking funny. Maybe lost something in the translation, but not much. Clerks was still better, but it beat down Dogma and Chasing Amy like little girls. Mallrats I'm not sure about. I think perhaps it (Mallrats) would have won if the budgets had been even roughly equivalent, but as it stands I have to give Jay and Silent Bob the prestigious number two spot. It was more sad then anything, thinking that Kevin Smith's film career was ending just as he finally almost got it right again.

Battle Royal - You want a plot synopsis? Forty Japanese school kids on an island, all of them have some kind of weapon and three days with which to become the only survivor. Pretty messed up idea (almost Lord of the Flies, but with an entirely different message), but the delivery wasn't all that bad. Evoked some pretty strong emotion in the crowd (there's one bitch you really can't help hating, and this psychopath guy... woah). But had way more laughs then cringes of revulsion. Guess it really goes to show how desensitized I've become. I was disappointed by the amount of hot little Japanese schoolgirls scurrying around and yet, the complete lack of full frontal nudity. The ending was the most messed up bit. Much like Akira, I left in a state of mild confusion.

Mad Max II: Road Warrior - Mel Gibson. The thing that struck me most about this film was how it was completely (and exclusively) Water World on dirt. Water World was, in a word, crap. However, that said, I'm usually not a fan of Australian Cinema (it likes the cock), but this was one of the few films I could not only tolerate, but even enjoy. I give it the prestigious title of "Greatest Australian Film Ever". Through the whole thing, one thing I noticed not noticing was the Australian accents (usually a sure fire sign that a film is Australian). When I thought about it, I realized that there is really an excessive lack of coherent dialogue. Not a bad thing.

Chopper - Eric Bana. I half expected this film to take the title of "Greatest Australian Film Ever" away from Mad Max 2, but in short, it was crap. At first it evoked in me a kind of respect in me. I laughed at Chopper Read as he apologized for stabbing that dude in the face. I could have seen myself buying his book. But when the movie finished, I raised an eyebrow (actually I didn't, I never could seem to raise just one eyebrow) and said "What the bloody hell was that?", for the film is more or less about nothing. All it demonstrates is how much of a nut case he was, and that he really never came close to almost accomplishing anything. The camera work was very classy, but caused in my only mild annoyance and vague thought that the colour on the TV might be messed up.

Pool Hall Junkies - Christopher Walken. Christopher Walken, in the few films where he gets to actually be leading man (and this wasn't one of them) is just such the ultimate kick ass bad mother-fucking lord of destruction. In this film he is pretty well just that (but not so much so as in Prophesy, or Pulp Fiction, or Sleepy Hollow), but he only gets like five scenes. The rest was filled with some jack asses playing pool (well), and some decent dialogue. If anything, it reminded me of Boondock Saints (which many misguided individuals salute as a truly great film), which contains occasional moments of pure gold, stuck together with a mesh of crap (the plots themselves had nothing in common). I kills me to say it, but I know that if I were ever to make a feature film, this is how it would end up. I would have at least done one thing right, and given it a better title.

It just occurred to me that I could start a film review section on this page (I think I've had reviews before), and gradually become the next Harry Knolwes.

Anyway, until next time.

Back to logs