Teretz Syndrome

Wednesday, September 22, 2004. 12:35AM

Among its many aims, zeedarteretz.com seeks to educate as much as entertain. Without my own fine education, I would have neither the inclination, nor the ability to bring you these occasional articles, and I imagine that without your educations, you would lack sufficient vocabulary to comprehend my wordy diatribes. However, not one of us can claim to be educated enough, and so, to expand your minds, I present you with forty three objective facts.

1. Mongolia, despite being a landlocked country, is the nation, the greatest percentage of whose population becomes pirates.

2. More people die on average per minute during a solar eclipse than any other natural phenomenon (including cyclones, forest fires etc). A full solar eclipse can bring about as much as a 900% increase in murders, suicides and car accidents.

3. The average vegetarian unwittingly consumes about 30 kilograms of meat a year, in the form of and small animals killed in the harvesting process and left in the grain, insects swallowed in the course of day to day life, and food that has meat added to it by surly kitchen staff and mischievous family members.

4. You have a less than one in three chance of receiving the ashes of your deceased relative when you send them to a crematorium.

5. Similarly, one is six ashes urns contain traces of semen.

6. The largest and most exhaustive study into penis size was conducted in America in 1967. It concluded that the average penis size was 7.16 inches; however, in order to boost the moral of the American people at the height of the cold war, all published results indicated a size of 5.56 inches. This is also the source of urban legends about different racial groups having different average sizes, to demoralize the growing communist threat in China, and to encourage a backlash against African Americans, who were campaigning to civil rights at the time.

7. Leonard Nemoy has been implicated in seventeen murders - more than any other living Hollywood Celebrity. He has never been charged.

8. Almost 30% of all space photographs taken by NASA telescopes are censored because they are deemed "threats to national security."

9. Since 1955, 694 nuclear weapons have been stolen or otherwise misplaced. 307 remain unaccounted for.

10. One in five people will get shot during their lifetime. Of those, four out of five will survive.

11. In the last year seven people have died in home made space craft - four in explosions on or shortly after lift off, one when his craft disintegrated upon entering the vacuum of space and one upon attempting re-entry. The final person made no attempt at re-entry, and has traveled beyond the range at which Earth based scanning equipment can accurately track. This is an average year, but the number of backyard spacecraft attempts has been steadily increasing since the first known attempt in 1959. In all, 11 people have made it into space and not been confirmed dead.

12. You are statistically most likely to be killed by a member of your family on Christmas Day.

13. Eighty percent of people are not certain if Transylvania is a real place or not.

14. In the year before his death, Frank Sinatra ate fourteen Eskimo Pies a day.

15. A higher percentage of people with the surname Jeeves are electricians than are butlers.

16. The average coin has been ingested once every five years since it was minted.

17. Although married men and women usually live longer than single men and women, 4% of all marriages end with one member murdering the other.

18. Every year around 180 people are killed by falling livestock. Less than half of these also involve the death of the animal.

19. There are more people dead now than ever before.

20. Two thousand, six hundred and seventy-two of the novels published in 1977 were written by computer. They were from a variety of genres, published under different pseudonyms, and represented the best of over ten thousand novels that the inventor, James Walker produced that year. He died in January of 1978 when the only working prototype of his machine exploded.

21. German cars represent about 11% of the global automobile market, but are involved in less than 1% of the accidents.

22. Less than one in every two hundred million ejaculations of semen actually ends up inside a woman.

23. Even though anvils have been a rarity in smithing for the better part of a century, the number of anvil related deaths has not declined.

24. People who sleep less than five hours a night live to an average age of fifty five, but accomplish more in that time then their eight hour counterparts to in the seventy three years they have on the planet.

25. When a man shoots his wife in bed, he is usually aiming for the clock radio.

26. Seventy percent of internet pages are at least partially about sex.

27. One in three people have deliberately tasted their own feces. Two in three have tasted their own urine.

28. Sixty percent of all missionaries to pacific islands have been eaten. Before 1975 this figure was eighty percent.

29. The materials cost for all the CDs ever made is under a million dollars.

30. A microwave works by focusing high energy waves on whatever you put in it, and agitating it's molecules. It is the friction caused by theses molecules moving that heats the food.

31. The International Writing Board monitors and enforces standard pencil sizes, and the universal measures of graphite depositing which determines whether the pencil is an HB, 2B, 6B and so on.

32. When referring to the rodents, one refers to mice. When referring to a computer mouse, the correct plural is mouses.

33. The collective noun for owls is a parliament.

34. None of the Beatles had a tertiary qualification.

35. If every copy of Michael Jackson's album Thriller that was sold in 1983 was played one after the other, starting at the start of the official album launch, the last record would end on January 1st, 2011, at 11:11AM.

36. Only one in every hundred people will make it through their entire lives without breaking a bone.

37. There were more mosquitoes alive during the last ice age than there are people now.

38. Levi Strauss only ever personally sewed one pair of Jeans.

39. Every year about forty thousand parts fall off flying aircraft.

40. In 1979, Mick Jagger had the world's largest guitar amplifier constructed at his estate in the English countryside. It has only ever played one note, which was the middle c that they used to configure it. It burst eardrums and shattered windows within a two mile radius, and could be faintly heard in France.

41. In Paraguay, dueling is so ingrained in the culture that it is legal, so long as both participants are registered as organ donors.

42. One in eighty five people will die, never having kissed a member of the opposite sex.

43. When the atom bomb was first tested, several of the lead scientists involved were afraid that it would ignite all the hydrogen in the atmosphere, wiping out all life on the planet. They decided that it was worth the risk.

This is Ginger. She's the model of the month over at sd-models.com, and it's an objective fact that she's hot enough to make girl of the week here, too.

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