Teretz Syndrome

Tuesday, June 8, 2004. 8:45PM

Any of you folks out there in TV land (as opposed to me in interweb land) who really get this site will understand that it is an existential satire of the internet. I've done slash fiction posts, and random rant posts. I've done theses on bull shit pop cultural stuff, I've skirted around porn sites, and done no end of blog pages. There have been fan pages, no end of bad Photoshop, some bad flash movies, and the occasional piece of genuinely useful advice. In the future, I'm think about doing a syndrome on all the people who flame this site on forums. Not tonight, however. Tonight I'm going to give you a bit of a look into the always hilarious world of IRC chat. You want an example of this in the real world? Well, check out bash.org, or... hell... there's bound to be a million of them. Google "IRC quotes" or something. Well don't actually do it fool - I'm satirizing the internet. I'm saying that it's wrong to actually have an internet page. Ah, why do I bother? You'll never take me seriously anyway. Every week I try to explain the message to you. Everyone who thinks they understand my message, email me. Do it. Maybe flame me, and I'll put you in next weeks post on flamers.

Anyway, a little background. I have a friend who insists that his name is Lance Hardcore. Here is a picture.


He also insists that that is real chest hair.

Lance has what we in the industry call "no job", and he thinks it's funny to Google "Goth guestbook" and then include any @hotmail.com email addresses in his MSN, and talk to whoever shows up. He's right. I'm amused. Lance is always on my back to let him contribute to this site. I said to him "Okay, make a Pornographic Ninja" which he did in a kind of half arsed way. Then I said "write a 3000 word dirge on something" and he couldn't be bothered. Well, today he's done something, and it's pretty amusing. Not that that's the point, by the way. For every "I hope you die" post I get, I get some douche saying "lol that's the funniest page I ever seen." Well fuck you. I'm here to offer advice, to inform, to educate, to expand your minds, but I am not your God damn comedian. Lance, however, is, so if you want to email me and complain about him, I'll be more than happy to pass your comments along. Anyway, this latest offering came about the right time for an update, and, to top it off, I got nothing, so here you go.

The first one I'm going to show you is a short interlude before our main feature. This is classic Lance Hardcore, and demonstartes how you trick a stranger into thinking that they know you. This is one of my personal favurite

From

Message

Lance

hey michael whats up

Lance

can i talk to you for a moment about my daughter?

Michael

sure

Michael

I'm not sure if I know you

Lance

probably

Lance

where from?

Michael

where are you from?

Lance

that party

Lance

with jess

Michael

The party at angies?

Lance

yeah

Lance

i think so

Lance

i had a few beers before hand

Lance

so i cant really remember

Lance

did you have a good time?

Michael

Yeah it was ok

Lance

not enough chicks

Michael

I dont really remember you Matt...I know Brian ,richard ,dave another brian...who were you?

Lance

oh shit...

Lance

sorry man

Lance

my names not matt

Lance

it's brien, but you spell it with an E not an A

Lance

just my online handle

Lance

like in that movie HACKERS

Lance

remember that guy?

Lance

he had ZERO COOL or CRASH ACID or something

Michael

Good flick,are you the really big one or just the tall one?

Lance

man i dont know

Lance

i thought i was normal looking

Lance

the goofy one

Lance

ha ha

Michael

Your the one that hangs with Richard

Lance

yeah

Lance

not everyday though

Michael

you've been off for a while ...vacation?

Lance

nah

Lance

but yeah, I was away for a bit

Lance

howd you go after the party?

Michael

Did a couple rails before I left and the cab I was in rearendedsome girls...preattywild.

Lance

fuck

Lance

really?

Lance

who were they?

Michael

That broad Dawn tried to pick me up at the party,but I wasn't having any of that.If it had of been Jess that would be different

Lance

yeah

Lance

man i cant hardly remember any of that shit

Lance

after i met an old mate and hit the pipe and thats all i know

Michael

You and Rich had a good hone going

Lance

yeah?

Lance

oh fuck man

Lance

ha ha ha

Michael

Did you end up banging Linda?

Lance

funny story

Lance

i was for a bit, but it was real dark, and i was kinda fucked up...

Lance

its a bit blurry

Lance

but i THINK i did her up her arse

Lance

i remember it slipping in a bit and she squeeked

Lance

but then kinda liked it

Michael

That girl floats around work like I don't know what.always making friends with all the guys.Don't matter to me but she seems a little fickle.

Lance

say hi for me

Michael

You've been at YOM awhile...Does Nancy really have a cock?HAHAHA

Lance

dotn know yet.. working on it though

Lance

i thought Jess had a boyfriend?

Michael

Are you off sick,suspended,what?

Michael

She told me she was going on a date 2weeks ago...I was just gonna ask her out too...bad timing or what?

Lance

fuck it

Lance

go for it

Lance

i bet you can outshine the fucker whoever it is

Lance

there is no such thing as bad timing

Michael

She's kinda crazy Probably a wild-cat oi the sack.

Lance

yeah

Lance

no fucken starfish

Lance

you ever done a SPIDERMAN?

Lance

i did one the other night

Lance

it is SO fucken funny

Lance

you gotta do it

Michael

explain

Lance

it's is so fucken funny, get a chick to suck your cock, then just as you are about to cum, you pull it out, cum all over the palm of your hand, then fling it in her face and say "Webslinger!" while you do it

Lance

then stand up and make a superhero pose

Michael

Yeah !!!!

Lance

you done it?

Michael

no sounds great...wanna be really fried when I do though.

Lance

yeah you gotta have an excuse

Lance

otherwise that shit gets filmed and on the net and shit

Lance

you ever do a black chick on a tuesday?

Michael

Done a couple ...not sure about the day tough.

Lance

heh e

Lance

how does it compare?

Michael

Pussy is pussy the way I see it .Some girls just like to fuck more than others.My ol' lady is a fuckin'machine.Loves it all.Fuckin' crazy horny bitch.

Lance

he he yeah man

Lance

asian pussy is sideways but

Michael

Made me come and check out some live dikes on-line ...got all horny and was like ...slam me with that big dick...I'm like ok if I have to.

Michael

I love Asian chicks

Lance

yeah

Lance

i did one a while back, i think i BROKE HER OPNE

Lance

she was tiny man

Michael

Yeah most are ..not alot off tit but they gotgreat little bodies.

Lance

you ever done a turkish chick?

Michael

I dont think so..Portugese,Italian,Croat, Chech,all kinds ..no turks though.

Lance

why not

Lance

?

Lance

too hairy?

Michael

Probably,not really into the hair thing

Lance

yeah me too

Lance

it's totally gay huh?

Michael

I'd rather see the pussy than have to take the machete to it.

Lance

ha ha

Lance

classic

Michael

I've got this record of old jazz/blues tunes called copulating blues...tune on it called Shave 'em dry...good shit.

Lance

ha ha, yeah, pity sometimes there is no time to do it, ha?

Lance

like when you have to force it in quick

Michael

So you not working now?

Lance

nah too busy planning my next fuck

Michael

Dirty fucker

Lance

relax, most of them deserve it, ha?

Michael

Thats what I say too.

Lance

howmany you do this month?

Michael

Just my ol' lady...but i'm trying to get this chick I used to do...she's got a wicked little body and loves it from behind...keeps putting me off.

Lance

just rape her like that other one man

Michael

What other one?

Lance

didn't you hit that bitch?

Michael

Who you talking about?

Lance

i dont know, you wouldnt tell anyone her name

Michael

Gotta go

Lance

pussy

Lance

you fucken wuss

Lance

ha ha

Lance

how do you feel?

Michael

I don't know what the fuck you talking about man.

Michael

The ol' lady just came home early...had to say hi.

Lance

tell her i said hi

Michael

What's the deal with this chick I hit thing?

Lance

there is a rumour goign round that one of you guys raped a chick one time, and the girls mother is calling the cops and taking down DNA samples and shit

Lance

i thought it was you dude

Michael

No man not me ...if I want it bad enough a little Irish charm goes a long way...

Michael

Was this a temp your talking about?

Lance

yeah i think so

Lance

you knew her?

Michael

The chick and the guy were both temps?

Lance

no i thought the guy was you, but it might have been someone else

Michael

Must be ...haven't even got a sniff of anyone at work.

Lance

i raped a chick form my old job once

Michael

Who was the chick at our work?

Lance

nah, my other job

Lance

at mcDonalds YEARS ago

Lance

the manager was a bitch

Lance

so i showed her how to take it after work on the counter one night

Lance

made sure she never told ANYONE about it, it was so cool

Michael

Who was the broad from YOM?

Lance

nah

Michael

Don't know or wont say?

Lance

CANT say

Lance

it's a legal thing

Michael

OK

Lance

you ever fuck your womans friends?

Michael

Actually my woman now was friends with my ex.

Lance

thats lame

Lance

i mean her friends NOW

Lance

he he he

Michael

Never really met any of them.

Lance

well take it form me, when you do, FUCK THEM

Lance

it is SO EASY

Lance

and even if she finds out, ask her to join in

Lance

you can totally get away with it

Michael

Well of course,my ol' lady would love that shit.

Lance

do it man

Michael

Anyway I got some shit to do before work .....like fuck the shit outta the ol' lady ...see ya.

Lance

yeah ok fag

Lance

mayeb we should fuck one time

Michael

You are one sick fuck.

Lance

you love it you cocksucker!

Lance

ha ha ha

Lance

go suck some cum off a shitty dick you fucken cunt!! ha ha ha

Michael

Your fucked!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Lance

thats why you love me you FAGGOT

Michael

I hope your joking

Lance

not really..

Lance

i do kinda like you..

Lance

i'm not a fag or nothing

Lance

but i do want to try a guy one time...

Lance

so i thought youd be cool

Michael

Thanks but I think I'll pass.

Lance

fine

Lance

well, the offers there if you ever need you dick sucked

Lance

ask me again sdome time

Michael

seeya later.


Okay. Well. Have we all learned a little? I know I have.

On with the show.

For the sake of space, I've changed her screen name from this "fuk the presents, i threw all that shit out, fuk all the crying... didnt mean jack, well guess what, fuk you right back! :'(" to "Coliflower." He calls her that at one point. I think it was in her email or something. Lance used to be "Dark_Anime_Angelll."

UPDATE - 9:27PM: Within minutes of this going up, I was bombarded with email, telling me that this whole thing was ripped from Something Awful. Well, it wasn't, but you're right, he basically takes something they did to somebody on Something Awful, and does it to someone else. Okay, I admit. I don't read Something Awful. To tell you the truth, I don't think very much of Something Awful. Hell, I don't even use the internet. Had I know this before, I probably wouldn't have put it up, but seeing as I have, here it is, as an eternal testament to us webmasters perpetually ripping one another off. Let us never forget that Natalie Portman thing.

Time

From

Message

5:29:42 PM

Lance

hi i'm back

5:29:46 PM

Lance

so any chancE?

5:30:40 PM

Coliflower

lol i have a husband

5:30:48 PM

Lance

i heard he dumped you!

5:30:49 PM

Lance

lol

5:31:02 PM

Coliflower

who u hear that from?

5:31:07 PM

Lance

Jess

5:31:20 PM

Lance

she told a mate of mine who you met a while ago

5:31:22 PM

Lance

from tafe

5:31:43 PM

Coliflower

lol nope we stil together

5:31:47 PM

Coliflower

jess is a story tella

5:31:58 PM

Lance

that bitch.

5:32:02 PM

Lance

fucken always makes shit up

5:32:06 PM

Coliflower

yep

5:32:11 PM

Lance

(pi)

5:32:17 PM

Lance

you like me though?

5:32:24 PM

Lance

like if you werent married to your boyfriend

5:32:31 PM

Coliflower

i dont think ive met ya

5:32:43 PM

Lance

yeah remember I asked you out that time?

5:33:09 PM

Coliflower

to where?

5:33:14 PM

Lance

ha ha lol

5:33:17 PM

Lance

dont worry about it

5:33:22 PM

Coliflower

refresh my mem pls

5:33:29 PM

Lance

you obviously love your boyfriend a lot to not remmeber me

5:33:35 PM

Lance

or do you never remember anyone?

5:33:37 PM

Coliflower

prolly yes

5:34:16 PM

Lance

(ip)

5:34:19 PM

Lance

(um)

5:34:26 PM

Coliflower

cant see those pics

5:34:27 PM

Lance

:|

5:34:30 PM

Lance

he he lol

5:34:34 PM

Coliflower

i have an older version

5:34:34 PM

Lance

it is a sad face at you

5:34:44 PM

Lance

*-)

5:34:45 PM

Coliflower

lol ah ok.. yeh well

5:34:46 PM

Lance

(bah)

5:35:16 PM

Lance

1111

5:35:18 PM

Lance

1111

5:35:19 PM

Lance

1111

5:35:21 PM

Lance

1111

5:35:24 PM

Coliflower

wat the

5:35:36 PM

Lance

ok, I gotta go for a sec

5:35:38 PM

Coliflower

so u remember wat i look like or no?

5:35:44 PM

Lance

but my mum will check her email... in a minute

5:35:47 PM

Lance

not really,

5:35:51 PM

Lance

what u look like?

5:35:51 PM

Coliflower

k

5:36:04 PM

Lance

u have a recent pic?

5:36:28 PM

Lance

hey?

5:36:32 PM

Coliflower

nope

5:36:34 PM

Lance

Mum isnt upstairs yet

5:36:36 PM

Lance

ok

5:36:40 PM

Lance

what you look like then?

5:36:53 PM

Coliflower

well u must remember if you've asked me out

5:37:04 PM

Lance

lol

5:37:09 PM

Lance

sorry, i need a pic

5:37:15 PM

Lance

i ask a lot of girls out all the time

5:37:16 PM

Coliflower

lol

5:37:24 PM

Coliflower

yeh im sure u do

5:37:31 PM

Lance

on te internert

5:37:47 PM

Coliflower

so i havent met ya

5:37:50 PM

Lance

oh, my mums using the computer in a sec, please DON"T REPLY to her

5:37:58 PM

Coliflower

ok

5:38:03 PM

Lance

i'm SERIOUS, whatever she writes, she fucks with my MSN, DONT TALK TO HER OK???

5:38:04 PM

Lance

THANKS..

5:38:10 PM

Coliflower

k

5:38:13 PM

Lance

I WIL BE BACK IN LIKE TEN MINUTES

5:38:15 PM

Lance

cya

5:38:17 PM

Lance

stay online

5:38:18 PM

Coliflower

bai

5:38:20 PM

Coliflower

k

5:39:50 PM

Lance

IS THIS A WOMAN?

5:39:55 PM

Lance

ANSWER ME PLEASE?

5:40:09 PM

Lance

WHO IS THIS?

5:40:24 PM

Lance

I DON'T WANT YOU TO TALK TO MY BOY UNLESS I MEET YOUR PARENTS

5:40:33 PM

Lance

PLEASE EXPLAIN WHO THIS IS HE TALKS TO ALL NIGHT

5:40:39 PM

Lance

WHO IS THIS?

5:41:00 PM

Lance

I NEED TO CHECK UP ON MY SON

5:41:03 PM

Lance

WHO IS THIS PLEASE?

5:41:14 PM

Lance

SUCH PROFRANITY IN YOUR USERNAME

5:41:31 PM

Lance

YOU HAVE TRULY LET JESUS OUT OF YOUR LIFE I WILL LEAVE THE COMUATER NOW

5:41:57 PM

Lance

ok

5:41:59 PM

Lance

hey

5:42:11 PM

Lance

hey

5:42:20 PM

Lance

did she do anything on my computeR?

5:42:45 PM

Lance

hello? Colliflower?

5:42:58 PM

Coliflower

wat the fuk

5:43:09 PM

Coliflower

ur mums a psyco

5:43:19 PM

Lance

I AM HIS MUM

5:43:22 PM

Lance

YOU TRAMP

5:43:25 PM

Lance

I NEVER LEFT THE COMPUTER

5:43:29 PM

Lance

YOU LITTLE TRAMP

5:43:33 PM

Coliflower

wat the fuk

5:43:37 PM

Coliflower

soo confused right now

5:43:41 PM

Lance

YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT MY SON

5:43:53 PM

Lance

YOU ARE CONFUSED BECUASE YOU NEED GOD IN YOUR LOST LIFE

5:43:55 PM

Coliflower

then why is he talking to me

5:43:58 PM

Lance

HE WILL SHOW YOU THE WAY

5:44:08 PM

Lance

BECAUSE HE CHASES GIRLS ALL THE TIME

5:44:20 PM

Coliflower

but thats normal

5:44:21 PM

Lance

THE TEMPT HIM WITH THIER BREASTS IN SKIMPY WHORE CLOTHING

5:44:33 PM

Lance

IT"S NOT NORMAL IT MAKES YOU BURN IN HELL

5:44:34 PM

Coliflower

well im not one of those girls

5:44:39 PM

Lance

WHO ARE YOU?

5:44:50 PM

Lance

IS THIS NORMAL?

5:44:51 PM

Lance

"fuk the presents, i threw all that shit out, fuk all the crying... didnt mean jack, well guess what, fuk you right back! says:"

5:44:58 PM

Lance

WHAT IS THIS ALL ABOUT??

5:45:04 PM

Coliflower

u obviously havent heard the song have u

5:45:05 PM

Lance

YOU TREAT MEN LIKE MEAT

5:45:10 PM

Coliflower

i dont

5:45:11 PM

Lance

WHAT SONG? IS IT GOTH SONG?

5:45:14 PM

Lance

DEVIL MUSIC?

5:45:15 PM

Coliflower

i have a husband

5:45:25 PM

Lance

OH YES

5:45:31 PM

Lance

I'M CERTAIN YOU DO

5:45:35 PM

Lance

PUT HIM ON PLEASE

5:46:08 PM

Lance

HELLO?

5:46:12 PM

Lance

S{EAK TO ME

5:46:22 PM

Coliflower

hang on

5:46:23 PM

Lance

I WILL PUT HIM ON WHEN I GET SOME ANSWERS

5:47:05 PM

Lance

WHO IS THIS?

5:47:09 PM

Lance

WHAT IS YOUR NAME???

5:48:26 PM

Lance

DID YOU HACK MY PROGRAM

5:48:33 PM

Lance

WHY CANT YOU WRITE BACK TO ME YOUG LADY

5:48:57 PM

Lance

WHAT IS THIS

5:49:09 PM

Lance

I WILL PRAY FOR YOU TONIGHT YOU SLUT

5:50:11 PM

Lance

HOW DOES THIS PROGRAM WORK

5:50:19 PM

Lance

THAT IS IT. I HAVE HAD ENOUGH

5:50:25 PM

Lance

I AM LEAVING THE COMPUATER

5:53:15 PM

Lance

hi

5:53:19 PM

Lance

my mums is gone now

5:53:24 PM

Lance

she went down stairs

5:53:27 PM

Lance

fucken crazy

5:53:34 PM

Lance

i heard her swearing at the computers

5:53:42 PM

Lance

you must have said somtehign very funny to her

5:53:42 PM

Lance

!

5:53:43 PM

Lance

lol

5:53:52 PM

Lance

i sometimes go ROFL at stuff

5:54:21 PM

Lance

are you still onl;ine like i said?

5:54:23 PM

Lance

hey?

5:54:29 PM

Lance

WHere did you go?

5:54:40 PM

Lance

:'(

5:54:44 PM

Coliflower

lol

5:54:51 PM

Lance

hey ur back

5:55:01 PM

Coliflower

wat the fuk

5:55:07 PM

Lance

wha?

5:55:12 PM

Lance

what wtf or?

5:55:13 PM

Coliflower

ur mums wierd

5:55:20 PM

Lance

what?

5:55:23 PM

Lance

have you met her?

5:55:27 PM

Coliflower

wat no

5:55:33 PM

Coliflower

on the net

5:55:37 PM

Coliflower

she tricked me

5:55:41 PM

Coliflower

she said it was you

5:56:18 PM

Lance

holy shit really?

5:56:25 PM

Coliflower

read up

5:56:28 PM

Coliflower

scroll bak

5:56:31 PM

Lance

she is getting craftier everytime!

5:56:32 PM

Lance

i cant

5:56:36 PM

Lance

she deletes the chat logs

5:56:41 PM

Lance

crazy fucken bithc

5:56:42 PM

Coliflower

shes all in capitals

5:56:45 PM

Lance

really?

5:56:52 PM

Lance

That's fucked up bitch

5:57:02 PM

Coliflower

she said god needs to help you and ur fuked up cos of ur name

5:57:14 PM

Lance

ha ha, really?

5:57:14 PM

Coliflower

and u chase girls and she says its not normal

5:57:17 PM

Lance

thats so funny

5:57:21 PM

Lance

you chase girls? wtf?

5:57:34 PM

Coliflower

and im like wat the fuk? if he didnt chase girls it would be not normal

5:57:37 PM

Coliflower

you

5:57:55 PM

Lance

WHAT???

5:57:59 PM

Coliflower

and shes like .. dont talk to him cos hes chassing you

5:58:03 PM

Coliflower

im like wat the fuk?

5:58:03 PM

Lance

OMG what did you say?

5:58:08 PM

Coliflower

ur psyco

5:58:11 PM

Lance

you did NOT say FUK to my mum?

5:58:15 PM

Coliflower

no

5:58:17 PM

Lance

cool

5:58:19 PM

Coliflower

im nice

5:58:21 PM

Lance

i should be safe

5:58:22 PM

Lance

cool

5:58:24 PM

Lance

yes you are

5:58:32 PM

Lance

how nice are you

5:58:34 PM

Lance

?

5:58:39 PM

Coliflower

she didnt believe me that im married

5:58:44 PM

Lance

I dont either

5:58:56 PM

Lance

update your profile if you are married, it says ur single

5:58:59 PM

Coliflower

oh my god

5:59:02 PM

Lance

so i was oging to have another try at you

5:59:09 PM

Coliflower

ah crap.. yeh forgot bout htat

5:59:15 PM

Lance

you are so lying

5:59:24 PM

Coliflower

i have pics to prove it

5:59:29 PM

Lance

no way

5:59:44 PM

Lance

i dont believe you

5:59:47 PM

Coliflower

yes way

5:59:53 PM

Lance

prove it

6:00:47 PM

Lance

ha ha ha, are you busy trying to FAKE a photograph????

6:00:48 PM

Lance

he he lol

6:00:54 PM

Coliflower

no

6:01:02 PM

Coliflower

i had ta check ma food if its burning

6:01:06 PM

Lance

ok

6:01:07 PM

Lance

send me a pic

6:01:14 PM

Lance

i think you are full of shit

6:02:07 PM

Coliflower

ok hang on gonna look through ma files

6:02:11 PM

Lance

k

6:04:41 PM

Lance

ha ha

6:04:44 PM

Lance

i knew you lied

6:04:47 PM

Lance

now you have to marry me

6:04:59 PM

Coliflower

wat the fuk

6:05:01 PM

Coliflower

no no

6:05:03 PM

Coliflower

hang on...

6:05:06 PM

Lance

k

6:06:56 PM

Lance

but

6:06:57 PM

Lance

nut

6:07:02 PM

Lance

if you dont have anything just say so

6:07:09 PM

Lance

i wont be dissapointe

6:07:10 PM

Lance

d

6:07:12 PM

Lance

he he lol

6:07:21 PM

Coliflower

hang on.. trying to find

6:07:29 PM

Lance

bullshit

6:07:33 PM

Coliflower

i dont think ihave em on here.. ok i wil scan

6:07:39 PM

Lance

really?

6:07:40 PM

Lance

cool

6:07:45 PM

Lance

thanks a lot

6:09:04 PM

Lance

did u scan yet?

6:09:25 PM

Lance

ha?

6:09:30 PM

Lance

whats u with thast?

6:11:39 PM

Lance

hey woman

6:11:42 PM

Lance

scan it already

6:11:51 PM

Lance

OMG i cant beleive the slowness of you today

6:12:06 PM

Lance

are you like on the phone or some shit?

6:12:11 PM

Lance

(T)

6:12:14 PM

Lance

(mp)

6:12:16 PM

Lance

(co)

6:12:28 PM

 

You have invited Coliflower to start an audio conversation. Please wait for a response, or Cancel (Alt+Q) the pending invitation.

6:12:43 PM

 

Coliflower has declined your invitation to start an audio conversation.

6:12:52 PM

Lance

hey whats wrong

6:12:56 PM

Lance

why arent you talking to me?

6:13:00 PM

Coliflower

hang on

6:13:04 PM

Lance

:'(

6:13:09 PM

Lance

for what?

6:13:14 PM

Lance

my cock to shrivell up?

6:13:35 PM

Lance

he he

6:13:38 PM

Lance

just joking

6:13:45 PM

Lance

hope that wasnt too rude for you

6:14:07 PM

Lance

:'(

6:14:09 PM

 

Coliflower sends Dscf0251.jpg

6:14:28 PM

Coliflower

u know much bout jewish weddings?

6:14:30 PM

Lance

cool

6:14:32 PM

Lance

no

6:14:34 PM

Lance

do you?

6:14:42 PM

Coliflower

yeh i had one

6:14:46 PM

Lance

really?

6:14:51 PM

Lance

was it fun? what do they wear?

6:15:17 PM

Lance

my mum ates jewish religions

6:15:20 PM

Coliflower

not good photo

6:15:31 PM

Coliflower

and do i care?? no

6:15:32 PM

Lance

lol

6:15:34 PM

Lance

he he

6:15:37 PM

Lance

yeah she is insane

6:15:44 PM

Lance

I like the jerry sienfeld

6:15:47 PM

Lance

he is a jewish

6:15:56 PM

Coliflower

yeh

6:16:05 PM

 

You have successfully received C:\Documents and Settings\Administrator\My Documents\Dscf0251.jpg from Coliflower.

6:16:06 PM

Lance

YEAH

6:16:23 PM

Lance

i got the pic

6:16:30 PM

Lance

that is SO NOT YOU YOU FUCKING LYER

6:16:38 PM

Lance

AND IT IS STILL HIS MOTHER HERE THIS WHOLE TIME

6:16:40 PM

Coliflower

oh my god

6:16:44 PM

Lance

YOU GULLIBLE LITTLE SLUT

6:16:45 PM

Lance

LUT

6:16:55 PM

Lance

I KNEW YOU LIED AND YOU WILL BURN IN HELL

6:16:57 PM

Coliflower

fine dont believe me

6:17:01 PM

Lance

FUCK YOU

6:17:03 PM

Coliflower

no u wil burn in hell

6:17:07 PM

Lance

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE

6:17:09 PM

Coliflower

and u have no manners

6:17:14 PM

Lance

I HAVE DONT NOTHIGN WRONG GOD LOVES ME

6:17:15 PM

Coliflower

im not in ur house

6:17:26 PM

Lance

YOU ENTER THROUGH THE DEVILS COMPUTERS

6:17:35 PM

Coliflower

u have no respect for others do u

6:17:50 PM

Lance

I BELIEVE IN LOVIGN ALL OF GODS CREATURES

6:17:56 PM

Coliflower

well there u go

6:18:00 PM

Lance

EXCEPT YOU

6:18:02 PM

Coliflower

and yet ur so rude to other ppl

6:18:09 PM

Lance

YOU SLAG OF A TRAMP OF A WHORE

6:18:14 PM

Lance

HOW MANY MAN DO YOU SLEEP WITH?

6:18:24 PM

Coliflower

u prolly dont even know wat those words mean

6:18:24 PM

Lance

AND PROBABLY PERFORM THE ORAL SEX TOO DONT YOU

6:18:31 PM

Coliflower

cos u dont know how to use them properly

6:18:40 PM

Lance

DONT YOU TELL ME HOW TO TALK YOUNG LADY

6:18:44 PM

Coliflower

and dont u have a husband

6:18:50 PM

Lance

I WILL NOT BE TALKED DOWN TO HOW DARE YOU

6:19:02 PM

Lance

HE IS DEAD

6:19:02 PM

Coliflower

well u need to wash ur mouth out with soap if u swear

6:19:12 PM

Lance

THAT IS VERY DISRESPECTFUL

6:19:15 PM

Coliflower

im really sorry

6:19:20 PM

Lance

I'LL BET

6:19:24 PM

Lance

YOU ARE NOT SORRY

6:19:28 PM

Lance

YOU ARE A TRAMP

6:19:31 PM

Coliflower

wat do u want me to say

6:19:37 PM

Lance

APOLAGISE

6:19:37 PM

Coliflower

u know nothing about me

6:19:40 PM

Lance

ACCEPT JESUS

6:19:45 PM

Lance

AND ALL IS FORGIVEN

6:19:47 PM

Lance

REPENT

6:19:48 PM

Lance

REPENT

6:19:50 PM

Lance

REPENT

6:19:52 PM

Lance

REPENT

6:20:06 PM

Lance

IS JESUS CHRIST YOUR PERSONAL LORD AND SAVIOR?

6:20:25 PM

Coliflower

wat umm dont think so

6:20:29 PM

Lance

DID YOU KNOW my son is a homosexual?

6:20:37 PM

Lance

I would forgive you if you could purge his faggot demons

6:20:39 PM

Coliflower

and ur point?

6:20:50 PM

Lance

he must be turned into a man and not a sissy

6:20:56 PM

Coliflower

if he wants to be homosexual he can

6:21:01 PM

Lance

NOT HE CAN NOT

6:21:12 PM

Lance

IT IS THE DEVILS INTENTIONS TO HAVE ANAL SEX WITH OTHER MEN

6:21:13 PM

Coliflower

how old his he

6:21:23 PM

Lance

READ THE SECOND HALF OF THE BIBLE YOU JEWISH INBRED FUCKEN SLUT

6:21:30 PM

Lance

22

6:21:55 PM

Coliflower

well there no repect there watso eva... no for ur son.....

6:22:00 PM

Coliflower

ur heartless

6:22:06 PM

Coliflower

saying that about ur son

6:22:08 PM

Lance

I HAVE JESUS IN MY HEART

6:22:09 PM

Coliflower

UR OWN SON

6:22:13 PM

Lance

HE IS A GOOD BOY

6:22:17 PM

Coliflower

ur own flesh and blood

6:22:20 PM

Lance

JUST NEEDS THE DEMONS TO BE GONE

6:22:26 PM

Coliflower

yeh saying hes homosexual and that wrong and shit

6:22:29 PM

Lance

HE NEEDS THE HOT LOVE OF A WOMAN

6:22:30 PM

Coliflower

u should support him

6:22:36 PM

Lance

I'LL SUPPORT NOTHING

6:22:39 PM

Lance

U SUPPORT HIM

6:22:44 PM

Lance

I SUPPORT THE LORD

6:22:54 PM

Lance

HE NEEDS TO HAVE REGULAR INTERCOURSE

6:23:18 PM

Lance

I FORCED HIM TO GO TO A BROTHLE LAST NIGHT, AND HE CRIED ALL THE WAY HOME

6:23:33 PM

Lance

HE SAID THAT HE HAD SEX WITH A WOMAN, BUT I DONT BELIEVE THE SIN IS PURGED

6:23:57 PM

Lance

CAN YOU please help him out?

6:24:00 PM

Lance

for his sake, not mine

6:24:05 PM

Lance

my soul is safe

6:24:23 PM

Coliflower

if ur religious u shouldnt have sent him to a brothal

6:24:31 PM

Lance

WH Y THE FUCK NOT?

6:25:12 PM

Coliflower

because sex is sacred... well it says that in the bible!! thats giving all ur faith away

6:25:37 PM

Lance

HOW DO YOU MEAN?

6:25:47 PM

Coliflower

and ur askin me to help him out? geez.. i thought u hate me

6:25:54 PM

Coliflower

make up ur mind!

6:26:01 PM

Lance

I WILL DO WHATEVER IT TAKES

6:26:05 PM

Lance

WILL YOU HELP ME?

6:26:12 PM

Lance

I CAN PAY MONEY IF THAT IS THE ISSUE

6:26:15 PM

Coliflower

and no i cant because im MARRIED

6:26:26 PM

Lance

PERHAPS ONE OF YOUR HARLETT FRIENDS COULD DO IT

6:26:38 PM

Lance

he is well hung, I CAN ASSURE YOU OF THIS

6:26:42 PM

Lance

I BATH HIM SOMENIGHTS

6:26:52 PM

Coliflower

hes 22! he can bath himself

6:27:00 PM

Lance

NOT PROPERLY HE CANT

6:27:06 PM

Lance

NOT THE WAY MY ANNOINTED HANDS CAN

6:27:10 PM

Lance

WITH HOLY OILS

6:27:32 PM

Lance

WILL YOU ALLOW HIS LIFE TO CONTINUE ON THIS PATH OF SIN AND DESTRUCTION

6:27:34 PM

Lance

?

6:28:15 PM

Coliflower

ok... the church also ACCEPTS homosexuals......... did you know that? or havent u caught up on the goss?

6:28:30 PM

Lance

WHAT CHURCH? THERE ARE THOUSANDS OF DIVISIONS MISSY

6:28:40 PM

Coliflower

most

6:28:47 PM

Coliflower

within the world

6:28:48 PM

Lance

WELL NOT MINE

6:28:54 PM

Lance

AND CERTAINLY NOT IN MY BATHROOM

6:29:01 PM

Lance

I COUGHT HIM ONCE WITH A BOYFRIEND IN THERE

6:29:05 PM

Lance

IT WAS SINFUL AND WRONG

6:29:09 PM

Lance

AND DISGUSTING TOO

6:29:24 PM

Coliflower

well just ignore it then

6:29:44 PM

Coliflower

its his life and not urs.. hes 22 for gods sakes.. he can make up is own mind about what he wants and doesnt]

6:29:59 PM

Lance

WHY SAY THIS? DOES THE IDEA OF TWO MEN AROUSE YOU?

6:30:09 PM

Lance

YOU PROBABLY LIKE TO BE IN A SHOWER WITH TWO MEN

6:30:10 PM

Coliflower

how would u like it if he forced u to like women and have sex with women.. how would u feal about that

6:30:21 PM

Lance

I WOULD LIKE IT JUST FINE

6:30:29 PM

Lance

IF THE LORD WANTED IT THAT WAY

6:30:40 PM

Lance

THE BIBLE SAYS NOTHIGN ABOUT GIRLS WITH OTHER GIRSL

6:30:42 PM

Coliflower

and ur saying that its wrong for to men??!! its the same principle as 2 women

6:30:44 PM

Lance

ONLY FAGGOTS

6:30:52 PM

Lance

NO THEY HAVE PENISES

6:31:06 PM

Lance

AND TESTICLES FULL OF DISEASE AND GOOP

6:31:09 PM

Coliflower

homosexual = girl and girl, boy and boy.. same thing

6:31:14 PM

Lance

NO

6:31:17 PM

Lance

i dont believe YOU

6:31:23 PM

Lance

HOMO - MAN

6:31:30 PM

Lance

look it up you uneducated trash

6:31:33 PM

Coliflower

well ur very foolish then

6:31:38 PM

Lance

SO ARE YOU

6:31:55 PM

Lance

DO you LIKE BRITNEY SPEARS?

6:32:10 PM

Coliflower

why do you ask that?

6:32:22 PM

Lance

IT IS IN MY SONS COLLECTION OF VIDEOS

6:32:29 PM

Lance

I DONT KNOW IF IT OS SUITABLE

6:32:31 PM

Coliflower

and ur point?

6:32:33 PM

Lance

WHAT AOUT AVRIL LAVIGNE

6:32:36 PM

Lance

?

6:32:38 PM

Lance

SHE LOOKS NICE

6:32:40 PM

Coliflower

no i hate her

6:32:42 PM

Lance

WHY?

6:32:49 PM

Lance

DID SHE DO SOMETHING WRONG?

6:32:50 PM

Coliflower

dont like her music

6:32:56 PM

Lance

IS IT NOT JEWISH LIKE YOU?

6:33:00 PM

Coliflower

i dont HATE her as such

6:33:05 PM

Coliflower

i just dont like her music

6:33:13 PM

Lance

TOO HARDCORE PUNK FOR YOU??

6:33:13 PM

Coliflower

that has nothing to do with it

6:33:33 PM

Coliflower

yeh not really my style

6:33:45 PM

Lance

YES, SHE REALLY SOLD OUT AFTER SK8TER BOI

6:33:52 PM

Lance

SO |WHAT IS YOUR MUSIC STYLE???

6:34:10 PM

Lance

AFRICAN DRUMS?

6:34:11 PM

Coliflower

i like everything

6:34:16 PM

Coliflower

yeh not bad

6:34:17 PM

Lance

BUT NOT AVRIL LAVIGNE?

6:34:20 PM

Coliflower

wats urs?

6:34:21 PM

Lance

SHE IS SO CUTE THOUGH

6:34:32 PM

Lance

I LIKE SIMON AND GARFUNKEL - THE EARLY STUFF

6:34:35 PM

Coliflower

shes ok... yeh but her musics hmm okkk

6:34:37 PM

Lance

THE NEW STUFF IS KINDA GAY

6:34:44 PM

Lance

YOU SHOULD PLAY IT BACKWARDS

6:34:47 PM

Lance

IT SOUND SMUCH BETTER

6:34:54 PM

Coliflower

with msgs?

6:34:59 PM

Lance

MSG?

6:35:01 PM

Lance

CHINESE FOOD?

6:35:05 PM

Coliflower

lol no

6:35:05 PM

Lance

I HATE CHINESE PEOPLE

6:35:13 PM

Coliflower

thats racist

6:35:13 PM

Lance

THEY EAT DOGS YO(U KNOW

6:35:16 PM

Lance

NO IT ISNT

6:35:18 PM

Coliflower

i know

6:35:19 PM

Lance

IT'S CULTURAL

6:35:20 PM

Coliflower

thats a shame

6:35:36 PM

Lance

ALSO, WHITES ARE ALL MORONS

6:35:44 PM

Lance

THEY STEAL LAND FROM US AND TAKE OUR WOMAN

6:35:51 PM

Coliflower

so ur black??

6:35:57 PM

Coliflower

dark coloured?

6:35:58 PM

Lance

AS BLACK AS A NIGGERS ARSEHOLE

6:36:10 PM

Coliflower

is ur son dark?

6:36:17 PM

Lance

AS the NIGHT ITSELF

6:36:25 PM

Lance

HE HAS A HUGE PENIS

6:36:28 PM

Lance

IT IS ALL TRUE

6:36:32 PM

Lance

THE RUMOURS

6:36:34 PM

Lance

THE INUENDO

6:36:37 PM

Lance

ALL OF IT

6:36:37 PM

Coliflower

and ur his mother saying this. ur so perverted

6:36:46 PM

Lance

I HAD TO TEACH HIM HOW TO USE IT

6:36:54 PM

Lance

OF COURSE I"VE SEEN IT, AND TRIED IT

6:37:05 PM

Lance

YOUR FATHER DIDNT DO THE SAME WITH YOU?

6:37:18 PM

Coliflower

that incent

6:37:19 PM

Lance

MY HUSBAND DID WITH MY TWO DAUGHTERS

6:37:25 PM

Lance

THEY ARE FINE NOW

6:37:29 PM

Lance

IT IS A TEACHING TOOL

6:37:45 PM

Coliflower

cant they experiment with other people?

6:37:47 PM

Lance

WHAT IS "INCENT?"

6:37:49 PM

Lance

CERTAINLY

6:37:52 PM

Lance

I ENCOURAGE IT

6:37:53 PM

Coliflower

incest

6:37:56 PM

Coliflower

i ment

6:37:59 PM

Lance

oH OK

6:38:03 PM

Lance

WHAT IS MENT?

6:38:09 PM

Lance

A JEWISH SWEAR WORDS?

6:38:20 PM

Lance

EXPERIMENTING IS GOOD

6:38:34 PM

Lance

THEY CAN CLEAR OUT THE SIN THROUGH TRYING IT AND SEEING HOW EVIL IT IS

6:38:50 PM

Lance

LIKE YOU MUST HAVE AS A YOUNG GIRL?

6:38:53 PM

Lance

WE ALL DID IT

6:38:55 PM

Lance

DID YOU?

6:39:11 PM

Coliflower

had sex with my father? umm no

6:39:19 PM

Lance

NOT THAT, I mean experiment

6:39:24 PM

Lance

with boys, or girls...

6:39:25 PM

Coliflower

why dont u go to a priest and tell him that

6:39:33 PM

Lance

i will

6:39:36 PM

Lance

tomorow morning

6:39:39 PM

Coliflower

and see what he says

6:39:42 PM

Lance

i can pray for you if you like

6:39:45 PM

Coliflower

that u touch ur son

6:39:53 PM

Coliflower

i dont need ur prayers

6:40:03 PM

Lance

everyone needs jesus and his prayers

6:40:15 PM

Lance

even experimental girls like you can still be saved

6:40:20 PM

Lance

it is totally natural

6:40:51 PM

Coliflower

like me?? ok like i said... u know nothing about me

6:41:06 PM

Lance

tell me about yourself

6:41:09 PM

Lance

please

6:41:14 PM

Coliflower

no

6:41:24 PM

Lance

then how can i ever understand and appreciate you?

6:41:48 PM

Coliflower

ur a psyco and i cant really believe a word you say

6:41:52 PM

Coliflower

so no

6:41:56 PM

Lance

OK

6:41:59 PM

Lance

THAT IS FAIR ENOUGH

6:42:06 PM

Lance

DO YOU LIKE WOMEN?

6:42:12 PM

Coliflower

and ur saying all that shit and its all against religion

6:42:20 PM

Coliflower

as friends yes

6:42:32 PM

Lance

IF YOU THINK I CANT TELL THE TRUTH,, PERHAPS we should indulge in some fantasy?

6:42:45 PM

Lance

have you ever been drunk at a party and had one thing lead to another with a female?

6:42:45 PM

Coliflower

fantasy

6:42:47 PM

Coliflower

no thanks

6:42:47 PM

Lance

yes

6:42:53 PM

Lance

it's not dirty

6:42:59 PM

Lance

it's completely normal

6:43:03 PM

Coliflower

and ur like 50

6:43:05 PM

Lance

we each act out a role

6:43:07 PM

Coliflower

and ur saying all this

6:43:16 PM

Lance

pretend I am 25

6:43:26 PM

Lance

and i will pretend you are 50

6:43:33 PM

Lance

see how you like it then, reverse the roles

6:43:39 PM

Lance

it will be a learing experience

6:43:41 PM

Lance

?

6:43:44 PM

Lance

what do you think?

6:43:58 PM

Lance

You must be about 30 YEARS OLD?

6:44:01 PM

Lance

IS THAT CORRECT?

6:44:09 PM

Coliflower

i hope u get all the help u need

6:44:16 PM

Lance

HOW OLD ARE YOU???

6:44:51 PM

Coliflower

because u are really fuked up.... touching ur children and stuff. thats sick

6:44:59 PM

Lance

I BET YOU ARE 32

6:45:02 PM

Lance

AM I CORRECT?

6:45:19 PM

Coliflower

no

6:45:21 PM

Lance

BECAUSE UNDER THE AGE OF 29 IS FOOLISH ENOUGH TO GET MARRIED

6:45:49 PM

Coliflower

no its not

6:45:54 PM

Lance

YES IT IS

6:46:02 PM

Lance

YOU ARE THROWING AWAY YOUR LIFE

6:46:06 PM

Lance

AND YOU HATE BLACKS

6:46:11 PM

Lance

YOU ARE A DISGRACE

6:46:17 PM

Lance

YOU RACIST LITTLE FUCK

6:46:25 PM

Coliflower

no im not

6:46:38 PM

Coliflower

im friends with lots

6:46:51 PM

Lance

LOTS OF WHAT?

6:46:54 PM

Lance

BLACKS?

6:46:58 PM

Lance

HOW CONVENIENT!!!

6:47:01 PM

Lance

PROVE IT

6:47:40 PM

Lance

HELLO? ARE YOU STILL THERE?

6:47:42 PM

Coliflower

how can i prove it

6:47:49 PM

Lance

A PHOTO NEEVR LIES

6:48:02 PM

Coliflower

i have no photos of them on my computer

6:48:03 PM

Coliflower

so no

6:48:06 PM

Lance

THEM?!?!?!

6:48:13 PM

Lance

YOU CALL BLACK PEOPLE "them"

6:48:14 PM

Coliflower

yes them

6:48:16 PM

Lance

WHAT ARE WE????

6:48:17 PM

Lance

ALIENS???

6:48:20 PM

Lance

YOU ARE RACIST

6:48:22 PM

Coliflower

wat the hell

6:48:27 PM

Coliflower

i said nothing of the sort

6:48:29 PM

Lance

I AM GOIGN TO SEND YOUR DETAILS TO THE MAYOR

6:48:31 PM

Coliflower

ur saying that

6:48:43 PM

Lance

THE MAYOR OF MELBOURNE STEVE BRACKS

6:49:18 PM

Coliflower

yeh im sure

6:49:24 PM

Coliflower

for wat

6:49:36 PM

Coliflower

and hes not the mayor u idiot

6:49:54 PM

Lance

WHAT NOW??? LEBONESE PEOPLE CAN'T HAVE POSITIONS OF AUTHORITY ????

6:49:57 PM

Lance

ARE YOU THAT RACIST??

6:50:07 PM

Coliflower

i said nothing of the sort

6:50:13 PM

Lance

I BET YOU CONVENIENTLY HAVE TWENTY LEBONESE FRIENDS NOW!!!

6:50:15 PM

Lance

YOU DID

6:50:26 PM

Lance

FUCK YOU SLUT

6:50:29 PM

Lance

YOU FUCKING SLUT

6:50:34 PM

Lance

GOD HATES YOU

6:50:42 PM

Coliflower

no GOD HATES U

6:50:56 PM

Lance

Why do you have to say that? It really hurts my black heart

6:51:04 PM

Lance

all i want is some female attention

6:51:05 PM

Coliflower

well ur being rude

6:51:11 PM

Lance

playing with my sons penis all day is boring

6:51:11 PM

Coliflower

and ur disobaying all his rles

6:51:22 PM

Lance

i need some juicy cunt

6:51:27 PM

Coliflower

wellu aint gonna get it by being rude

6:51:33 PM

Lance

how do i get it then?

6:51:43 PM

Coliflower

u betta work it out then dont u

6:51:47 PM

Lance

what?

6:51:48 PM

Lance

how?

6:52:02 PM

Lance

i want a piece of your hot dripping arse right now

6:52:16 PM

Coliflower

so u go get some help... some therapy and then GOD MAY FORGIVE YOU

6:52:32 PM

Lance

at least i didnt kill jesus

6:52:54 PM

Lance

do you like southpark?

6:53:03 PM

Coliflower

no cos its shit

6:53:09 PM

Lance

you want cyber?

6:53:14 PM

Lance

i'm bloody good\

6:53:30 PM

Lance

i could cum you under the table

6:53:52 PM

Lance

ha?

6:54:02 PM

Lance

BLOCK ME YOU BITCH

 

Well, there we are. Lance Hardcore, everybody.

If you'd like to see more of this sort of thing, please, don't hesitate to mail me. I have a million of them, and I could be convinced to post one or two of them, should demand be high.

To find this weeks girl, I Googled "Goth guestbook" and found nothing worthwhile. Then I tried "hot Goth guestbook" (nothing at all) and finally, just plain "hot Goth." Well, she's certainly hot, but I don't think she's really that Goth. Looks more pop-punk to me.

Night all.

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